Saturday, February 9, 2008

Fancier Science Deficient: Neither Ancient Societal Species Has Sufficient Policies

English is a ridiculous language.

Upon even the most cursory inspection, the grammar, spelling, and usage rules appear only to exist so that the exceptions have something to lean against.

The "science" of the language, as intricate and exhaustive as it represents itself to be in tomes such a Fowler's Modern English Usage or the venerable Oxford English Dictionary, is in reality relegated to the status of the movies at The Oscars: mere gray backdrop for the real action of who shows up wearing whom, on whose arm, attending which stunning post smile-when-you-don't-mean-it party.

Yes, rules are rules, except when they aren't, as in most of English spelling.

Thus the reality of an unfortunate native-tongue speaker of a straight-up, WYSIWYG language such as German or Latin, where the rules are reliable and sturdy on their little brown legs, and leaning is discouraged as slothful. Learning English sucks. And there's a statement you can take to the bank.

Take the title of this post. Aside from the word "has" (and were I less lazy, I'm sure I could have come up with a substitute that would have further proved my point), every word is both perfectly spelled, and yet breaks The Rule "I before E, except after C."

And that's just the Coles/Cliff notes version of the rule. The full version is, "I before E, except after C, or when sounding as "A" as in "neighbour" or "weigh." And even within that expanded rule, one encounters the Canadian versus American spelling contoversy of "'u,' versus 'no u.'" And even at THAT, one encounters the "What is the correct way to indicate a quotation within a quotation?" question.

Shit.

It's enough to make both a linguiphile and an ESL struggler take up drinking cheap liquor. No wonder you can never find a seat at a bar these days.


All I can say is, English is weird. And WONDERFUL!

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