Well, That Was A No-Brainer

The following are a few things you'll want to know about having an inter-cannicular acoustic neuroma removed via the middle-fossa approach by Dr. Jackler at the Stanford University Medical Center.

1. First, to grow one in the first place means you're very, very special. We know this because of Denmark. The Danes, with their hyper-socialized, federal, conservative "we'll just wait and see how this develops on its own" medical system, keep some the world's most accurate data on almost everything medical. Of course, the findings are unique to a people who are really tall, blond, and have an unaccountable fondness for the cold, dark and herring, so the data could be skewed. Take your chances: according to the Danes, there are only 10-13 cases per million in the general population. So if you get one, forget the lottery. You already had your "I feel special" moment.
2. Second, if you are blessed enough to have Dr. Jackler (or for our Canadian friends, Dr. Agrawal, Jackler's resident but soon to be one of nine surgeons in Canada who do this kinda gig, operating (HA!) out of London, Ontario) do the surgery, you're, well, blessed. He wrote the textbook (literally) to which all the other experts refer. He is a warm, personable, and accessible surgical genius. In case you've ever looked, you'll know these folk are very, very difficult to find in this life. Again, you're special. NO LOTTERY FOR YOU!!
3. You don't have to have your entire head shaved. Just a small Flash Gordon reverse-seven on the one side does it. We tried to advocate for some funky crop circle approach, but, well, they're sticky about the art. Whatever....
   
4. The volunteer ladies in the pink smocks in the family waiting room are amazing: they find out quickly who you are, who you're waiting on in surgery, who the doctor is, and how you like your coffee. If you have to leave the area for a even moment or two, they know your cell number and how to reach you in case the surgeon wants to talk to you. They are the twilight-zone angels and they provide a great service to people who really, really need it. I want to be one when I grow old.
5. If you go into shock in ICU an hour out of your surgery, the nurses there put Johnny-on-the-spot to shame. In the spirit of full disclosure reporting, when the blood pressure hit 62 over 99, I just closed my eyes, backed into the closest wall and prayed. However, the nursing staff futzed with the blood pressure monitor/machine, mucked with another machine this field reporter wasn't able to identify, and someone else rubbed his arm, saying "Come on... come ON... COME ON BACK HERE.... Five minutes later and all was calm. I doubt anyone else will remember it, but this was the WORST moment for me. Thank you, God, for the nurses in Stanford's surgical ICU.
   
6. Retaining hearing in the affected side of your head is a blessing. We still aren't totally certain how that will work out, since swelling is a big cloaking issue, and the swelling hasn't subsided yet. However, as of today, Patient X is reporting that he is hearing "something" on his left side. Phew....
7. Cutting the vestibular nerves on any side of one's head is bound to affect one's balance. (DOH!) The best path to rebuilding said nerves is walking. Daily. Or twice daily. Ergo, God is good: I always wanted a puppy, and now I have one.
   

So, if you are planning a middle-fossa approach to removing an inter-cannicular neuroma, Stanford University Medical Center with Dr. Jackler is a no-brainer.